The Incestuous X-Men

Before we break out the banjo music, the title is, of course, meant figuratively. Marvel Comics rarely delve into incest, except that time that Nightcrawler dated his adopted sister, Jimaine (though in his defense, he didn’t know she was his sister at the time… even if he did continue dating her after the fact was discovered). Even so, the X-Men family – with its benevolent patriarch Professor X, occasionally homicidal matriarch Jean Grey, and creepy uncle Logan – has never been one to shy away from interbreeding.

Cyclops, for instance, has been married to both Jean Grey and Emma Frost (if you’ve read the same Cracked article I have, you’ll know that after her death Jean psychically compelled her husband to do it with Emma Frost on top of her grave). I mean, I guess it’s to be expected: school is a time for experimenting and bubbling hormones are bad enough without errant superpowers being thrown into the mix, and in fifty years worth of death and destruction of course people are going to get a little frisky once in a while.

Wolverine has had serious relationships with four different women.

I’ll let that sink in. The gruff, surly immortal with unbreakable bones, retractable claws and berserker rage counts among his life partners Mariko Yoshida, Rose, Viper, and Silver Fox. The man is a bundle of serious psychological complaints named for an angry weasel has “gone steady” with enough people to make up a woman’s polo team and that’s not counting the dozen or so other women he’s dated. That, and Rogue hooked up with Magneto (well, turned out to be a clone named Jospeh, but still. Ick.).

The X-Men, as I said before, have been around for a long time, and I guess in order to keep things fresh you need to come up with new and unexpected pairings. Unless the MCU expands exponentially, eventually you’re gonna come up with some unusual crossovers. To that extent, you might wanna check out this chart.  All those multicolored lines… It’s enough to get someone in the mood for love.

And there’s that bit about Professor X having a crush on a pubescent Jean Grey, but you know, it was a different time. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

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Robert Wallis

You can also read Rob's work at www.ofallthefilmblogs.blogspot.com.