With it’s Fifth Season having just begun, The Venture Bros. is an Adult Swim staple that started as a Johnny Quest satire before ballooning into a universe filled with absurdity and obscure pop culture references on such grand a scale that it would give both Marvel and DC Universes a run for their bright-spandexed space-money.
I must admit that out of all of the top ten lists I have ever written, this one was the most difficult, as with the exception of maybe one episode parodying The Manchurian Candidate, there isn’t a weak link on this Venture Industries chain. So if you need a crash course in the Venture Universe, go sit down and watch them all because I could’ve honestly just thrown the entirety of Season Two into this list and I wouldn’t be wrong. Then once you realize how you’ve been missing out on this visual opium, turn on the DVD commentary and get lost in what I would consider my favorite cartoon of all time. Otherwise, check out the top ten episodes of The Venture Bros.:
10. Ghosts of The Sargasso
In this gem from Season One, The Venture family enters a traditional Johnny Quest-ian adventure in the Bermuda Triangle, trying to recover a downed experimental aircraft from the sixties.
While Doc strokes his own ego on the ocean floor, Brock and the boys are ambushed by a band of pretend-ghost pirates, who had been essentially floating in the Bermuda Triangle for decades basically doing nothing. Eventually a real ghost appears on the bow of the ship, screaming excessively and…well, screaming excessively.
The true highlight of the episode however comes in the opening, as we witness a failed Team Venture experimental test flight of one Major Tom, in a sequence where literally every line is from a David Bowie song, foreshadowing the series’ devotion to the homo superior.
Also of significance is a scene where Brock claims that he hid the keys to the experimental Venture X-2 boat up his derrière, prompting the faux ghost pirates to wonder if he is bluffing or not, and how to properly investigate. Things do not go well for anyone involved, really.
9. The Better Man
We hit the ground running in “The Better Man”, as the Triad nemesis Torrid, the Aussie firebrand with an air of Mephistopheles, opens up the second world, bringing Cthulhu into ours as a severely underpowered Order of the Triad serves as a tissue-paper thick line of defense
The Order does about as well as you would expect a guy in golf shoes to fair against an Elder God. It is only at the intervention of the Outrider, the former pupil of Dr. Orpheus who stole his wife, that saves The Order of the Triad from tentacle-filled death worthy of a 21 and up manga.
This humiliating rescue makes the Order want to grind their proverbial magic level up, with Orpheus getting into a round of who’s got the bigger bag of holding by focusing on how to travel through Hell itself.
Other highlights include actual character development for Dean, and H. Jon Benjamin returning as the shape-shifting Master, whose Freudian, subconsciously stupefying lessons get exponentially weirder with each appearance.
It’s an episode that just seethes with the gothic, Aleister Crowleyian antics, and gallows humor so dark it could fit into a Bastille Day symposium. For a show that revolves around science, it’s refreshing to get something literally magical.
8. Shadowman 9: In The Cradle of Destiny
In “Shadowman 9” we get an episode devoted entirely to Doctor Venture’s never-explained Arch-nemesis, as the crucible–or tribunal, or trial– by the Guild of Calamitous Intent’s silhouetted Council of Thirteen probes the origins of the Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend’s super-villain careers.
In true Venture Bros. fashion, we are never actually shown what caused the Monarch to hate Dr. Venture so passionately, but we do see how the Monarch got his start as a Phantom Limb henchman, complete with two or three hilarious prototype Monarch uniforms, and technically the origins of Henchman 24, I guess.
The true beauty of the episode lies in The Council of Thirteen however, as essentially Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer had to fill the council with as many striking silhouettes as possible. The commentary explaining the inspiration behind the voices is some of the most obscure and impressive browsing of pop culture, making you actually want to sit through the abominable The Eiger Sanction, if only to hear the inspiration behind Dragoon’s raspy perpetually-death-rattling voice.
Not a line is given to a member of the Venture Family, as in the remnants of the Monarch’s ruined cocoon, the seemingly endless number of henchmen have their authority questioned by Dr. Girlfriend’s Malevolent Murder Moppets, achondroplastic dwarves Tim-Tom and Kevin who put their names to the test in cockney accents.
Complete with a butterfly-themed opening credits, “Shadowman 9” is an excellent salute to the antagonistic side of the Venture Universe, giving us a greater idea of the machinations that keep the Monarch Engine of Butterfly-themed-hate pumping.
You have no idea how hard I resisted placing this episode in the number 9 position.
7. VICTOR ECHO NOVEMBER
“VICTOR ECHO NOVEMBER” features the most perfectly over the top line: “That’s my daisy!” remarks Doc as he discovers Dean using his lady crafted razor to shave for the first time. The Venture Bros have a date, and the over the top line is but an ominous flag waving down our attention to watch the car crash that is the Venture Brothers’ first foray into the perpetually disappointing, and yet always promising, world of dating. Who are the boys’ dates? The purple haired Triana Orpheus, her friend Kim who dresses like a supervillain, and the most fickle mistress of all playing the fifth-wheel – DANGER.
The over the top line about a man using a woman’s leg razor for his head is another ominous start to the most serious threat to ever threaten the Venture family, but in the meantime Doc makes the mistake of every hormone pumped thirteen- year old with a TV Guide and a clipping of cleavage, setting aside a Saturday night to record one Miss Dolly Parton in The Best Little Whorehouse.
Just like the aftershave Dean accidentally gets on his junk, the brutality ramps up suddenly at an exponential rate, as Phantom Limb, goaded on by The Monarch, orders a blackout hit on the Venture Family. Within minutes, oblivion descends upon the Venture compound as Guild Blackout agents cut the power – not a big shocker given their name – before cutting off Doctor Venture’s arm. The last line of defense is Brock Samson, who insists on being naked and knife wielding throughout the episode, “preying off of their fear.” The highlight of this bloody hunt features a nude Samson singing Technotronic’s “Move This” to a very lonely Guild Blackout Agent who believes he is circling the drain.
Meanwhile, at the Venture Bros’ double dinner date, where apparently coincidence is the night’s special, as the Monarch, with henchmen in tow, renews his guild membership with Phantom Limb and Dr. (Ex) Girlfriend at the very same restaurant. We are given several different stories of what Phantom Limb’s origins are, from Henchman 21, The Monarch, and Hank. Each of the three stories has its own purple monkey dishwasher variation of the Phantom Limb origin story, with the Monarch’s story being closest to the truth, each story getting more ridiculous and yet somewhat Venture appropriate than the last.
6. Handsome Ransom
“Handsome Ransom” opens to a kidnapping of the Venture Brothers as The Monarch tries to broker the best possible ransom for at least one of the boys while Hank calls his father a “honky.” Suddenly, the roof of the cocoon bursts open as the heist is botched by one Captain Sunshine.
Kevin Conroy, the avatar of Batman, voices Captain Sunshine, a non-Kryptonian solar-super-powered caped crusade who considers Hank his “Super Friend,” inviting him to become his new rainbow boy wonder, Wonder Boy.
Perks of this henchman/sidekick position include room and board in his Sanctum Solarium, which in proper Bat-cave fashion features a giant penny with the Monarch’s face on it, because c’mon, if you’re going to have Kevin Conroy, you’ve gotta have at least an element of Batman present. Specifically, it’s the part of Batman that necessitated the inclusion of Bat Woman back in 1956– his somewhat… “unique” relationship with Robin.
Captain Sunshine, like a surprisingly large amount of Venture Bros. characters, was originally mentioned in a Henchman war story in Season Two, expanded upon as one of the Monarch’s cocktail stories where he claims to have an invulnerable suit of carapace armor, leading to a very disturbing scene of the Monarch asking Captain Sunshine “where do you want the *****?” while making a diamond hand gesture in a much too tight boy-leotard.
This episode also features the introduction of Ghost Robot, a ghost who lives in the head of a robot, who the creators admit is without a doubt, one of the dumbest things ever. Therefore, it is one of my favorite things.
5. Now Museum, Now You Don’t!
Much like “Tag Sale, You’re It!” this episode is able to benefit grossly from the large convention sort of format set to the episode, with Jonas Venture Jr. converting Spider-Skull Island into a museum for Jonas Venture, inviting everyone from Jonas’ past, both friend and foe, to the launch party, with a group of increasingly irate former Ghost-pirate crew serving hors d’oeuvres. Ultimately, this produces an episode not unlike doing a keg stand on a powder keg.
The opening of the episode is without a doubt the best part, complete with a sixties film filter, explaining the history of the ominously named Spider-Skull island, as well as the original Team Venture, which was essentially the Avengers, but if instead of heroes they were really horrible people.
Take for example my favorite ancillary character, The Action Man. Team Venture’s proverbial Captain America, The Action Man is a government super soldier named after David Bowie’s “Ashes to Ashes”, with U.S. military issued cocaine serving as his super soldier serum, his “Avengers Assemble!” Battle Cry replaced with “ACTION! ACTION ACTION ACTIONNN!!” most oftentimes said while liberally dual-wielding Berettas at point-blank range.
In addition, the legitimately insane Colonel Gentleman is retconned back from the dead to make a triumphantly flamboyant return to the Venture Bros. universe, with a tell-all book about his sexual conquests in tow. You see, Colonel Gentleman is basically Sean Connery, but if the former James Bond was a proud and out diabetic haberdasher adventurer with a proclivity for giving individuals a pop in the mouth when not abusing/loving his live-in Moroccan boy-toy, Kiki. I am well aware that is one of the most awkwardly depraved sentences I’ve ever seen since Chuck Palahniuk’s Guts, but with lines like “Blasted Malamars…MY TITS ARE BACK!” you can’t help but want to see more of this deviant gentleman.
Oh, and in the unedited DVDs you realize that Colonel Gentleman’s old man balls appear in all of their saggy glory. You have been warned.
4. Powerless in The Face of Death
In this Season Two premiere episode, we are given a glimpse into how Doc is coping with the death of the boys, featuring a block-rocking-beat electric montage set to Aquagen featuring Roxette’s “Everybody’s Free to Feel Good,” as Doc embarks upon a world-spanning drug campaign through opium dens, African jungles, and raver hotspots, taking enough narcotics to make Hunter S. Thompson’s nose go back in time.
In the meantime, Orpheus embarks upon his Inferno-like journey to redeem himself for the brothers’ death while under his watch, visiting the frozen circle and encountering Hell-locked frat boys. Much like the Marvel Universe, this episode introduces the recurring theme of The Venture Bros. that magic is just a different form of technology, making it an alternate to science.
The episode really shines however in The Monarch trying to adjust to his new life in prison, not unlike a super-powered episode of Oz, but with a talking, molesting Gorilla man named King Gorilla standing in for Christopher Meloni’s role.
Monarch’s prison crew includes your standard-issue animal themed villain Tiggerific, Mr. Monday, a Calendar Man analogue, and White Noise, a former television repairman turned rouge with a face of static and a heart of white supremacy.
In addition to the introduction of one of my favorite duos on the show, Watch and Ward, the techno-loving, reptilian sounding, DBZ scanner-device wearing, tech guys of the Guild of Calamitous Intent, this episode features my two favorite lines of The Venture Bros., which for the sake of hilarity and journalistic integrity I now present to you sans context:
“He is calling you a crumb bum…or possibly a crampon…”
“Out from the shadows steps a man wielding a molecular destabilizer and in a flash poof— what was once your penis is now a tasteful reproduction of a ‘Gucci coffee table’ by Herman Miller.”
Finally as the status quo is returned to The Venture Bros. we are treated with a grotesquely beautiful smorgasbord of death, as the Venture clone slugs are introduced in this episode, as well as the boys’ death-prone nature, in full mortifying montage.
3. Showdown At Cremation Creek
In this two-parter episode that I’m going to just count as one, The Monarch proposes to Doctor Girlfriend, who produces a literal list of demands for the relationship, most significant of which being that Monarch never arch Doctor Venture ever again.
In a cruel twist of fate back at the cocoon, hung over/pummeled Monarch henchmen realize they captured Brock Samson and the Venture Family in a drunken campaign the night before.
While getting a tramp stamp of a butterfly tattoo, 21 realizes that Brock is getting a tattoo of Icarus from that Led Zeppelin album on his arm. Henchmen bum rush him, incapacitate Samson with some expected casualties, instantly realizing that Doctor Venture is now defenseless.
Though the Monarch could finally solve his deep-rooted and yet never specifically explained hatred for Doctor Venture, love takes prevalence, as he begrudgingly makes impromptu groomsmen out of the Venture Family.
Just so many stories are happening at once through the course of this two-parter, giving you an idea of just how far the Venture Bros. Universe stretches back, helping create a dynamic universe. While the Venture Compound is vacant for instance, Doctor Orpheus calls together a training session for the Order of the Triad, featuring The Master Shake Dana Snyder as the master of the mystical, The Alchemist, and a nod to Blade The Vampire Hunter with diabetic Blacula hunter Jefferson Twilight.
Is it racist to go only after Black Vampires? I don’t know, because by definition vampires are not people so it’s something of a moot point to care about the color of their undead skin.
A slighted Phantom Limb tries to launch his Guild of Calamitous Intent battalion against the Monarch to not only disrupt the marriage, but also perform a coup d’état on The Sovereign of The Guild of Calamitous Intent, revealed to be David Bowie. Bowie’s entourage of Iggy Pop and Klaus Nomi prove to be turncoats, as the street-walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm and the plastic armored countertenor launch a sonic scream and “Pop”-Dragonball Z style orbs of destruction filled melee against the rarely partnered Bowie, Brock and Monarch trio.
Brock dons some butterfly henchmen wings as well, becoming field leader for the Monarch’s henchman as they realize that their wings are actually fully functional. This discovery leads to a Death Star Trench run meets Saving Private Ryan meat grinder dog fight in the Grand Canyon, with a bunch of guys in butterfly suits squaring off against missile-pod bearing attack helicopters. Hank sneaks into the fray in a retro fuzzy henchman suit, proving that his inner Brock isn’t all just for show and channeling Luke Skywalker as his spirit guide.
Meanwhile, Dean hallucinates off of whatever fuel powers a gigantic floating cocoon in the super-spooky engine room, bringing about a Never Ending Story spirit quest to include every supporting character that couldn’t make it to the Monarch’s wedding.
Brock leads the Henchmen into their proudest moments as this epic shines as one of the best episodes of the series. From Doc’s recitation of “Jesse’s Girl” to Phantom Limb losing his phantom penis there is nary a flawed moment in this masterpiece.
2. OPERATION: P.R.O.M
The Order of the Triad, Conjectural Technologies, one of my personal favorites, Shore Leave, and Brock Samson triumphantly return to help give Hank and Dean “the best damn homeschool prom $500 can buy” in this hour-long season finale special.
Much like a real prom, the episode is as grandiose as it is bittersweet, as nearly every story-line and character from The Venture Bros. universe is wrapped up here, giving each member of the supporting cast a night to remember. Seriously, there are more dovetails here than in a John Woo film: Dean realizes that nothing will ever happen between him and four-season-long-crush and a slight reference to Twilight, sorceress in training Triana Orpheus. Hank takes Durmott as his date and puts on Shallow Gravy’s first performance. Nick Fury and Hunter S. Thompson hybrid Hunter Gathers wrestles the hulking commander of the OSI, and even Sergeant Hatred gets his tattoos removed–except for the D on his D. This episode is a sawed-off shotgun to the face of characters and one-liners, with none of it coming off as filler.
Surprising no one, Doc hires six hooke– I mean escorts– to make the Venture Prom not a complete sausage fest. In proper Venture Bros. fashion however, Doc only shells out enough cash for handshakes, resulting in some of the most grotesquely beautiful poetry to ever come out of the Venture Bros. universe as every character with functional genitalia tries to deduce specifically what sexual act a “Rusty Venture” is. I will note however that the censored and uncensored versions of this scene are like day and a night so dark, you’d swear you were in a Paul Thomas Anderson production.
This Creme de Menthe and Sambuca soaked prom doesn’t just celebrate the graduation of the Venture brothers from their electric grandpa-beds however, as it also marks the end of 21’s career as a Monarch henchman as he solves the “mystery” of 24’s death. It is, admittedly, a surprisingly heart-pulping moment, well punctuated with Brock discovering that Molotov Coqtiz has finally ended the Cold War in her red leather pants, removing her star and sickle stamped chastity belt, but not for Samson sadly. Her Blackhearts mercenaries have infiltrated the prom under the guise of ladies of the night, kicking the episode out of a coma with a big needle of kick-ass right into the heart, as a tuxedoed Brock Samson moves with the haste of a thousand tweens at a Beiber concert to perfectly placed “Like a Friend” by Pulp serving as a dirge for our short-lived depression and a binding spell of “Hell. Yes.”
1. Escape to The House of Mummies! Part II
The beauty of “Escape to the House of Mummies!” lies in its ability to tell, as opposed to show. In what would be a Season Two triple episode time traveling season finale for any other show, The Venture Bros. just gives us the Spark Notes of a grand-standing time-traveling romp.
Did you notice how I counted “Showdown at Cremation Creek” as one episode, but I only mention part two of “Escape to The House of Mummies!” here? Well that’s because there is no part one, forcing us to play a bit of catch-up and allowing the writers to flood the episode with non sequiturs.
The Osiris Cult, a group of zealots heavy on the Egyptian theme, had created a time machine to bring back The Perfect Man, the son of Rah, so Brock and the boys went on a timeline shattering adventure filled with the mummy Pharaoh Mummy Mon Mummy, Clarissa Explains It All references, and Brock living out a life-long desire of getting Edgar Allen Poe in a headlock…but that’s actually the B-plot.
In the main storyline, Doc gets into a gentleman’s bet with Dr. Orpheus, pitting magic against science and seeing who the biggest man was by seeing who could shrink themselves the most. Doctor Venture seeks the help of Billy Quizboy and Pete White, while Dr. Orpheus seeks the council of his shape-shifting master, voiced by quite possibly the best voice-actor in the business, H. Jon Benjamin. In this episode, The Master appears in the form of Cerberus, who manages to lick his own genitals without missing a line’s worth of hilarity.
Now don’t get me wrong, I may have pumped up the time traveling storyline up here, but that’s just what I’ve assembled from the glorious snippets they show us and the DVD commentary. In the meanwhile, we get glorious moments including a list of Top Ten Guilty pleasures, featuring Doc’s number 2., Bonnie Bella, and Billy Quizboy’s number 5., “Dust buster with corner attachment.”
Seriously, I’m not usually one to watch DVD commentary, but The Venture Bros. is one series to produce some really hilarious DVD commentary. It’s like watching a second episode of the show, as Doc Hammer and Jackson Publick voice nearly every duo of characters that appears.
We only get snippets of the B-plot, perfect given its anachronistic theme, as every time we cut back from Doc and Orpheus accepting failure, the time traveling storyline only gets more insane and random by the cut. By the time Brock, another Brock, Dean’s head on a mummy body dual-wielding machine guns and riding a giant simpleton, in arms with Caligula, Freud, and pumpkin-headed Edgar Allen Poe face off an overwhelming Mummy horde, you can only pray that one day they will actually give us the caveman cannibalism brutality of Escape To The House of Mummies Part III.
The episode also brings us this golden bit of dialogue.
So there you have it, with much deliberation and the most liberal definition of “work” ever, the top ten episodes of The Venture Bros. Keep in mind however that I honestly don’t think there is a single episode where I couldn’t find at least one redeeming quality. Though I can wax on about the glorious beauty of David Bowie themed wars and ultra-creepy Batmen , it pains me to admit that I had to ignore a Scooby Doo mystery with a serial killer twist and the “WALKING EYE!” amongst other Venture staples of hilarity to do so.
But what do you think? Should I have included more Sgt. Hatred? More Molotov? Less 21 and 24? The episode where Brock kills like, everyone with his car? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.