Top 6 Worst Decisions DC Has Made In 2014

♫ Jingle bells, Batman smells, Goyer‘s such a twit. A Krypton series, that’s just silly. Marvel all the way, HEY! ♫

Yes, it’s that time again. Once more, I shall dust off my adamantium cricket bat and beat the ever loving snot out of DC. Hey, you have your holiday traditions and I have mine. And by holiday traditions, I mean weekly traditions. Because I can always count on DC making incredibly stupid mistakes on a regular basis. So here’s my list of the top 6 worst stinkers they’ve done this year. Bend over DC, this bat is going someplace painful! Hee hee hee!

 

6. He’s Not My Lex!

Really? I mean… really? Jessie Eisenberg? I think the guy is still going through puberty! This is the perfect person to play Lex Luthor? Y’know, I was fine with Ben Affleck being Batman. And I’m great with Jeremy Irons being Alfred. Khal Drogo as Aquaman? Not a problem. But THIS? No. Kevin Spacey was a better choice.

It’s not that Eisenberg is a bad actor, even if I personally think his voice could grate cheese, it’s just that he’s not the right person for the job! You need someone authoritative. Someone with stature. Someone who could look the most powerful man in the world in the eye and not even blink. The question is, who else could play the role? What’s that? You think I should play Luthor? You’re too kind. No, I couldn’t possibly… unless…

 

5. You Can’t Do That On TV

I’m just going to say it. I love Arrow and The Flash right now. They both stand on their own as great TV shows and their crossovers are well executed and entertaining. It seems like DC have laid the groundwork for a really great shared TV universe. SO WHY ARE THEY MAKING SEPERATE MOVIES! It’s such a waste! Why go to the trouble of a shared movie universe with an entirely separate canon when you could focus on a TV one that’s already been established?!?

There’s so much potential here, and DC is squandering it! Why? Because they want to cash in on what Marvel is doing! That’s why! For the last frigging time, DC. BE DIFFERENT! GAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!

 

4. Constantine Calamity

So people seem to like Constantine. Okay, fine. I’m wavering on the series. There are parts I like, and parts I really hate. But I get why other people like it. What I DON’T get is two very, very stupid decisions DC made about it. Firstly, the character of John Constantine is bisexual. This has been established in the comics. And yet, the folks making Constantine have stated that they were NOT going to reference that in the show. Why not? He doesn’t have to hop into bed with every guy he meets, just casually mention it a few times. Hell, once would be enough!

And as if that wasn’t bad enough, they wrote out Lucy Griffith‘s character Liv Aberdine. This was the character that the whole of the pilot revolved around. And they just got rid of her. They had to reshoot the pilot in order to explain her just up and vanishing. And who did they replace her with? Some random woman named Zed. And I don’t know about you, but she annoys the HELL out of me! I call her frowny face because that seems to be the only facial expression she can muster.

3. What Is It Good For? Absolutely nothing!

I’ve talked about Justice League: War already. So if you want to read my review, you can do so here. No pressure. Juuuuust gonna leave it there. Read it if you want. Or not. No skin off my nose. Do what you like. I don’t care. Honestly. *Coughs nonchalantly*. Seriously though, no pressure.

Still, I think this abomination of a film deserves another whacking, don’t you? From it’s borderline plagiaristic story (seriously Joss Whedon, I’m willing to testify on your behalf. I can name names and point fingers!), to it’s incredibly irritating characters, JL: War is a great example of what NOT to do in an animated superhero film. I’m still looking for that “Food” franchise they advertised in it.

 

2. You Can Put Anything On A T-Shirt These Days

Do you even need me DC? Because you seem to be doing a great job of making yourself look stupid. I barely need to do anything. I mean, did nobody in that company look at the women’s shirts that say “I’m Training to be Batman’s Wife” and think: “Hey, maybe- MAYBE, this isn’t a good idea? It might be construed as… what’s the word… mexist? No, that’s not it. Dexist? Still no. Oh! I’ve got it! Sexist! These shirts are incredibly, awkwardly, mind meltingly, eye poppingly, brain bashingly SEXIST! Maybe we shouldn’t sell these!”.

But no. They did sell them. That, and the t-shirts that have a picture of Superman making out with Wonder Woman with the caption “Score! Superman Does It Again”. Tell me DC, and… be honest. Are you run by monkeys? Because that seems to be the only explanation for such horrifically sexist clothing in 2014.

 

1. No. Just… Just No.

No jokes this time. No hyperbole. No exaggeration. I’m going to tell you some facts. And I’m not going to tell you my opinion on them. I’m just going to let you draw your own conclusion, based on the evidence presented before you. So here goes.

Batwoman, a.k.a. Kate Kane, is a lesbian. She was in a long term relationship with another female character. The creative team behind Batwoman,  J.H. Williams and W. Haden Blackman, wanted her to get married. DC said no. Why? Because, and I quote: “heroes shouldn’t have happy personal lives”. Williams and Blackman left the comic and a new creative team was brought in. A year later, they break the characters up. That same issue, Kate is mind controlled and raped by a female vampire super villain.

DC said no to a gay character getting married. They said yes to the same character getting sexually assaulted.