Comics Features

Top 6 New Superpowers They Should Have Given Superman

DC… you make it so easy to make fun of you. Seriously, you don’t do yourself any favours. Giving Superman a new power? Why? He’s got a ton! Flight, X-Ray vision, frost breath, super strength, invulnerability (unless you’ve got one of the billion green rocks that are just lying around from a planet that exploded millions of lightyears away), heat vision, super hearing, and the ability to erase someone’s memories just by kissing them. I don’t want to explain the last one.

Still, this isn’t exactly surprising. Back in DC’s laughably named “Golden Age”, Superman pretty much had any power the writers wanted. He could shapeshift at one point, no joke. So the idea of a new power isn’t exactly a new idea. And what is this power exactly?

“Super Flare”?


Nah, that sucks. Here’s some other ideas!

DISCLAIMER! This list is one long piss take. Suck it up. 


6. Super Memory Power


Who doesn’t want an eidetic memory? With this power, Supes could remember every thing he’s ever experienced. From growing up in Kent Farm, to working at the Daily Planet, nothing would get past him. Which would be useful because it means that when DC inevitably reboot their own universe AGAIN, he’d remember what everything used to be like. Which would probably lead to a few awkward situations. Mainly with Wonder Woman. I don’t envy you Superman.


5. Super Hair Growth Power


Ever wonder how Clark Kent gets his hair cut? Kryptonite scissors? Ah, never mind. Point is, how often is it that Superman comes across a super villain that is too powerful for him to handle, but who has a crippling phobia of hair? Well, I don’t know seeing as I don’t read Superman comics. But I’m sure it happens quite often. With this power, finally Superman will be able to conduct psychological warfare on his enemies! Plus, maybe he could finally make peace with Lex Luthor and give him a wig made out of 100% real Kryptonian hair.


4. Super Communicate With Rabbits Power


Let’s face it. Rabbits are the most intelligent animal on Earth. We all know this. Screw the Dolphin. Forget Apes. Ignore… oh, what are they called. Hoooo-mans? Not important. It’s Rabbits. So naturally, Supes had better recruit these intellectual creatures for his fight against evil quick, before they turn against us and force us into hutches of their own design! We’ll be forced to eat carrots for the rest of our lives! The horror! Save us from this awful fate Superman! Make the hopping ones our allies!

About the author

Scott Meridew