Top 6 Things Superman: The Movie Needs

Yes, the world’s greatest and most relatable superhero is finally coming to the big screen. Personally though, I don’t see it being much of a success. I mean, have you seen the trailer for Every Which Way but Loose? I’m sorry, but I just don’t see Superman being better than a movie with Clint Eastwood and an orangutan.

Nevertheless, expectations are high. But I think that if the director of this film… what is his name? Richard Donner? The man who did The Omen? Oh dear. Do we really want a horror film director making a film about Superman? Anyway, if Donner can abide by this list then maybe, just maybe, the film will turn out alright.

DISCLAIMER! The list you are about to read is my own personal opinion. If you disagree, then please feel free to write a letter of complaint. Sorry for the inconvenience.

 

6. Comic Relief

My chief concern is that the film won’t be funny. After all, this is a film based around a comic book character. The last thing we want is a film that takes itself too seriously. My advice would be to cast a well known comedian in a supporting role.

This way the film will be more amusing for the young’uns. It’s not as if they are going to watch the film just for Superman, after all. I suggest Richard Pryor. After all, he was recently in the excellent musical movie The Wiz. I think that is evidence enough, don’t you?

 

5. Supergirl

If by some miracle this film does turn out to be popular then the makers will have to think about future films. And we must remember that the Superman family is a large one. So it makes perfect sense to include Supergirl, at least in a supporting role.

This could pave the way for a spin off film featuring Superman’s cousin Kara Zor-El. Now I don’t know who they would get to play her, but I’m sure, should the project come to fruition, that she will be played by a competent, talented actress who would never besmirch the good name of Superman.

 

4. No Kryptonite

Seeing as how it is Superman’s only weakness, it would make sense to include it in the film. However, if it is used then it’s all any villain who fights Superman WILL use. I feel that some of the dramatic tension might be lost if that is the case.

But then again, I’m sure that, again if they make more films, they would never resort to overusing Kryptonite. I think we can credit Hollywood’s best and brightest with a little more creativity than that. Imagine what would happen if they did. We might end up with a film depicting Superman going up against a whole mountain of Kryptonite. Preposterous, I know.

3. The Villain

Every hero needs a villain. And Superman is no exception. But which one should he go up against. Obviously it would have to be one of dignity, menace and sophistication. But who out of his rogues gallery would fit that description?

Perhaps Darkseid, the god like war monger? Metallo, the metal man with a heart of kryptonite? Or Parasite, the energy sucking vampire? No. I think there is only one villain who he must face. The conniving, the intellectual, the dignified… Mister Mxyzptlk! I think we can all agree on that, right?

 

2. The Script

I was most disappointed to learn that the original script, penned by Mario Puzo, writer of both the novel and film version of The Godfather, was being rewritten by Thomas Mankiewicz, whose only notable credits include Diamonds Are Forever, Live and Let Die, and The Man with the Golden Gun.

What could be so wrong with the script that it needed to be changed so much? The original Puzo draft was only five hundred and fifty pages long. Did it really need to be paired down to one hundred and ten? I think not. If the film has any hope for success, then Donner ought to go back to Puzo’s version.

 

 

1. Christopher Reeve?

Are we sure about this one? He’s not exactly well known. Prospective actors for the main role of Superman have included Neil Diamond, Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Caan, Robert Redford, James Brolin, Burt Reynolds, Christopher Walken, Sylvestor Stallone, Nick Nolte, Jon Voight, Paul Newman, Patrick Wayne, Kris Kristofferson and Charles Bronson.

And what has this Christopher Reeve done with his career? The recent disaster movie Gray Lady Down. Frankly, I don’t think anything will come of him. I just can’t imagine him as an iconic symbol of superheroes like Superman. Frankly, if he does give a good performance, I’ll eat my hat!