On May 6th, 2016, when you head into your local movie theater after hours of waiting in a line outside, be sure to save up your money for over-buttered popcorn, Snow-Caps, and big box of Kleenex. The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) is starting its Phase Three out with an emotional bang with The Russo Brothers‘ Captain America: Civil War. Lines are divided. Friendships are sacrificed. For other friendships. You’ll laugh, sure. I don’t think the MCU could survive without meeting their quip quota. But you will be laughing through those tears. Or if you’ve scrounged up a date for the occasion, you’ll be fighting every instinct in your body to hold back your fanboy/girl emotions. Unless your date is also having a micro-meltdown, then congrats! A messy bond is made. Thanks Cap!
It’s time to pick a side. And that choice is going to cause some teenage-angst level heartache. Here are the top 6 ways Civil War is going to break your heart.
6. People Let Me Tell You ‘Bout My Best Friend…
Oh, I remember these characters’ humble beginnings. They were a quarreling batch of heroes, looking out for the greater good as long as they could do it on their own. Many a year has passed, and with it formed a band of brothers (and sisters! I’m the only one looking out for you Widow).
Let’s not even talk about the most obvious conflict of Cap and Iron Man just yet. Some of these characters have been friends for years! Captain America and Black Widow had a nice little pow-wow going. Hawkeye and Widow were friends before the MCU came along. Now they’re beating the crap out of each other in a trailer. Civil War does not care about established friendships. It’s the first one offed in the movie.
5. It Could Suck
This may come as a shock, but I have been pegged a pessimist. I prefer the term realist, and we live in a reality where Civil War could potentially be awful. We all wanted to believe Avengers: Age of Ultron could live up to the hype of the first Avengers. But then we saw it. I, and a majority of people invested in superhero movies, want this movie to be a fantastic representation of the comic, that actually is an improvement of the original source material because people had a mixed reaction to it. Or, you know, awesome. But we all don’t get what we want, do we? There’s that pessimist sneaking back in there.
4. Bad Blood
Marvel Studios is thinking years into the future of their movies, and so am I. After the dust is settled in Civil War, it’s going to be awkward. Sure, the survivors will team again to defend Earth from Thanos when the time comes. Don’t think for a second when the Avengers are dealing out justice, they’ll be throwing out those quips too. Sure, somebody is going to say a joke. It will be funny. But it won’t land the way it used to. Civil War will kill the quips. At what cost is war? When you can’t even laugh after the War, the War has won.
3. No Winning Side
The working title for Civil War could have been Captain America: The Biggest Loser, where one of the many side plots did involve characters watching what they eat. But that was possibly the Thor and Hulk plot that got scraped. There are no winning sides here. Someone you love is going to lose their war. It’s more vital who loses rather than who wins actually, and it will undoubtedly shake the rest of the MCU. Do you think Black Panther is just going to skip all the way back to Wakanda like nothing happened? I mean, he actually could. He has a whole damn country to potentially run.
2. Causalities of War
Sorry Rhody! Characters in the comics die all the time. They also get resurrected, which makes the impact of their death meaningless, but anyway. We are so far along in the MCU that it is impossible now in Civil War everyone will just escape with their asses handed to them. Gone are the days of Age of Ultron where Black Widow is merely captured and not killed by the villain. Newcomers Black Panther, Spidey, and Ant-Man will be safe and sound. What’s even more devastating is these characters are friends, and for the most part, I don’t think they’re aiming to kill. Except for Scarlet Witch, who’s really taking Vision down with her never explained red powers. Even more potentially heartbreaking is whether or not they will follow the comic’s ending. They do have Crossbones slated to make an appearance…
1. “So Was I.”
Look at that face! The anguish in Tony Stark’s eyes, and the power he delivered when he said those three little words. The biggest conflict of Civil War, at its heart, is Captain America and Tony Stark over fugitive Bucky Barnes. Cap and Tony obviously have not always gotten along, and they never had the bro-mantic chemistry of say, Stark and Bruce Banner. They disagree on most things, but they’re buds. The destruction of their friendship when Cap chooses to protect Bucky really is the straw that will surely cripple the camel, and be the most heart-shattering thing Civil War has to offer.
Are you preparing yourself for an emotional, Civil War inspired meltdown? Sound off in the comments or send us your thoughts on Twitter!