On May 6th, 2016, when you head into your local movie theater after hours of waiting in a line outside, be sure to save up your money for over-buttered popcorn, Snow-Caps, and big box of Kleenex. The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) is starting its Phase Three out with an emotional bang with The Russo Brothers‘ Captain America: Civil War. Lines are divided. Friendships are sacrificed. For other friendships. You’ll laugh, sure. I don’t think the MCU could survive without meeting their quip quota. But you will be laughing through those tears. Or if you’ve scrounged up a date for the occasion, you’ll be fighting every instinct in your body to hold back your fanboy/girl emotions. Unless your date is also having a micro-meltdown, then congrats! A messy bond is made. Thanks Cap!
It’s time to pick a side. And that choice is going to cause some teenage-angst level heartache. Here are the top 6 ways Civil War is going to break your heart.
6. People Let Me Tell You ‘Bout My Best Friend…
Oh, I remember these characters’ humble beginnings. They were a quarreling batch of heroes, looking out for the greater good as long as they could do it on their own. Many a year has passed, and with it formed a band of brothers (and sisters! I’m the only one looking out for you Widow).
Let’s not even talk about the most obvious conflict of Cap and Iron Man just yet. Some of these characters have been friends for years! Captain America and Black Widow had a nice little pow-wow going. Hawkeye and Widow were friends before the MCU came along. Now they’re beating the crap out of each other in a trailer. Civil War does not care about established friendships. It’s the first one offed in the movie.
5. It Could Suck
This may come as a shock, but I have been pegged a pessimist. I prefer the term realist, and we live in a reality where Civil War could potentially be awful. We all wanted to believe Avengers: Age of Ultron could live up to the hype of the first Avengers. But then we saw it. I, and a majority of people invested in superhero movies, want this movie to be a fantastic representation of the comic, that actually is an improvement of the original source material because people had a mixed reaction to it. Or, you know, awesome. But we all don’t get what we want, do we? There’s that pessimist sneaking back in there.
4. Bad Blood
Marvel Studios is thinking years into the future of their movies, and so am I. After the dust is settled in Civil War, it’s going to be awkward. Sure, the survivors will team again to defend Earth from Thanos when the time comes. Don’t think for a second when the Avengers are dealing out justice, they’ll be throwing out those quips too. Sure, somebody is going to say a joke. It will be funny. But it won’t land the way it used to. Civil War will kill the quips. At what cost is war? When you can’t even laugh after the War, the War has won.