Top 5 Good Reboots and Top 5 Bad Reboots

The Bad

5. Friday the 13th.

There are plenty of horror reboots that I could talk about. Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Nightmare on Elm Street. But for horror fans, the 2009 return of Jason Vorhees stands out as the epitome of stupid. Mainly because it was completely unnecessary. It’s just a rushed rehash of the first couple of Friday films. It doesn’t do anything new or interesting.

So if you like seeing teenagers getting brutally murdered, great. But if you like seeing teenagers getting brutally murdered in an interesting and innovative way, you’re out of luck buddy!

4. Amazing Spider-Man

*Sigh*. Anyone else tired of this? Anyone else just exhausted by the mess this franchise has caused? There are only two films and they’ve caused so many problems it’s unnatural. Why did this happen? Because Sony were greedy and decided to rush to make a film that no one wanted or asked for, purely so that they could hold onto the rights. And since then we’ve had disappointment after disappointment.

From the pointless inclusion of the Parker parents sub plot, to embarrassing performances by good actors, to rehashing an origin story that even people who aren’t fans of the comic know about, all this film and its sequel did was make us wish that Marvel had the rights back.

3. Man of Steel

What happens when you realise that Superman doesn’t have much of a personality? You make him almost exactly like Batman, that’s what! Yup, it’s the film that pretty much divided audiences who couldn’t decide whether or not it was good or bad. And I’ll admit, it’s not without its good points. But come on. Pointless non linear storylines, Superman destroying most of Metropolis, and Pa Kent saying that it would be fine if Clark had let a bus full of children die? What were they smoking?

The whole film is two steps forward, two steps back. Only after taking four steps we find ourselves in a completely different place to where we started out from. It’s confusing and I don’t like it! Still, at least they didn’t include kryptonite. Anyone else know how so many small rocks from a planet that exploded light years away all manage to land on Earth?

2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Oh… no. I mean… no. Everyone was against this movie when it was first announced. Michael Bay wanted to make them aliens. But he didn’t do that. He just made them weird and creepy. Before this film, nobody was creeped out by anthropomorphic tortoises that knew ninjutsu. Therefore, I declare Michael Bay… The Ruiner of Childhood Memories! May he carry that title with shame!

I mean, he got nearly EVERYTHING wrong! The Turtles were April O’Neal’s pets, Splinter learnt everything about being a ninja from one book (Yet that didn’t stop him from declaring himself their teacher), there was waaaaaay too much Will Arnett, and above all else… it was kind of boring. How do you make Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles boring? How? HOW?

1. Robocop

Do not watch this film. Watch the original. Honestly, I could end the article here, but apparently I have to “explain myself”. What was great about the original was its gratuitous violence coupled with the idea of Robocop himself, Alex Murphy, having lost his humanity. The makers of the reboot wanted to be a bit more intelligent and focus more of socio-political commentary. Which is great. But it backfired horribly. They focused more on the commentary surrounding Robocop than Robocop himself!

Not to mention that the violence was toned down by an insane degree. It’s Robocop. It’s SUPPOSED to be violent! This film completely failed in the one thing that a reboot must not fail at. It missed the point of the material it is based on. That’s a crime that is unforgivable. I don’t blame the filmmakers for wanting to try something new, but you can do new things that FEEL the same as previous ideas. It is possible. But nope. This was just a series of blunders, with a wasted cast, that disappointed a generation.

Oh, and they changed Robocop’s design. Forgot about that.