Another year, another article with me listing all of my petty gripes. Oh, the fun we shall have! Speaking of fun, that’s one thing I’m not having watching Star Wars Rebels. Which is annoying because I was really looking forward to it when it was announced. But, like most things in my life, it ended up disappointing me. Some people would say that the problem lies with me and that I can never be satisfied. But what do they know? They’re just a series of highly trained psychological therapists that I was forced to go to after I tried to kill Jonathan Frakes. You’re on my hit list, Riker! Be very afraid!
Now, I’m not saying that this show is the worst thing in the world. But lets face it, it’s nowhere near as good as it could have been. So here’s my top 6 worst things about Star Wars Rebels so far. Needless to say, the dark side is strong in them.
DISCLAIMER! The following is my own personal opinion. If you disagree… I don’t care. I mean, what’cha gonna do? Huh? HUH? WHAT’CHA GONNA DO? Not so tough now, are ya?!? That’s right, walk away!
6. That Dennis the Menace Laser Thing
So… Ezra. He’s young. He’s cocky. He’s supposed to be gifted in the force. Cool. Okay. One question. WHAT IN THE NAME OF YODA IS THAT ON HIS ARM? It’s a laser slingshot catapult thing. What the deep fried and crispy hell is that all about? How would that even work? I know it’s Star Wars and that have all sorts of cool technology but… that’s stupid! Worse, I feel like it’s a marketing decision. Dun dun duuuuuuun.
I can imagine a bunch of people in their 40’s or 50’s, in suits with really expensive haircuts, sitting around a table saying “What can we do to make this Ezra kid hip”? This wouldn’t work in the 90’s! And we had Jubilee from the X-Men cartoon back then! Can’t he just have, I don’t know, a gun? The laser slingshot doesn’t even kill people!
5. Weird Lightsaber (No, Not That One)
Now, the Inquisitor seems like an intimidating and evil guy. Not the sort of people you’d want to invite round to dinner with your parents. And naturally, he’s steeped in the dark side. So obviously he has his own lightsaber. But why oh why did it have to be this monstrosity? It’s a double lightsaber that also spins? I’m not saying it isn’t at least a little cool. But I fear that this is going to contribute to a dangerous trend.
So we’ve all seen the new trailer for Star Wars: The Force Was Just Resting It’s Eyes, right? And we’ve all seen the new lightsaber design they had in it, right? And regardless of what you actually think of the new design, it’s becoming obvious that from now on, Star Wars is going to try to continually outdo itself with regards to lightsaber design. Not that we haven’t had that in the past. But Darth Maul’s lightsaber was a cool new thing that hadn’t been done before. People didn’t even think that there COULD be a new kind of lightsaber. But now we do. And I’ve got a horrible feeling we’re going to have lightsabers shaped like maces or axes in the future. And in a franchise about magic men, tiny green dyslexic aliens, Sasquatches and spaceships, that just seems too silly!
It took me a while to realise this. I was a few episodes into the series when I sat upright and yelled: “Hey, wait a minute! They’re living on Lothal!”. I just thought that that was a planet they did a lot of rebel stuff on, but it’s become clear that it’s actually where they live as well as where nearly ALL of their rebel stuff goes on! Where’s the fun in that? I want to see these guys going all over the galaxy, not just sitting on one crummy planet.
And yes, I know that they do go to other places, but they always come back to that one planet and it annoys the bejeezus out of me! It annoys me so much that I used the word “bejeezus” for the first and last time! It makes the scope of the Empire’s tyranny seem very small. We’re not seeing the subjugation of an entire galaxy, we’re mainly seeing the subjugation of one planet. Firefly understood this. In that show we got to see many different planets and how they all were suffering. Which was better. Because it’s Firefly. And Firefly is better than everything, including your Mum’s apple crumble. There, I said it!