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SPIDERTEMBER: Aunt May Vs Marvel’s Greatest Villains

3. Onslaught

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The evil psionic (What? It’s a word!) amalgamation of the minds of Charles Xavier and Magneto, Onslaught nearly killed the X-Men, Avengers, and Fantastic Four (Like Fox keeps trying to do. NO, I’M NOT GOING TO GET OVER IT!). And how would Aunt May stop this malevolent being made up of psychic energy?

……….

I dunno. Probably whack it with her cane or something. This is really hard, guys!

 

2. Apocalypse

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Possibly the first Mutant and one of the X-Men’s most brutal villains, Apocalypse is immortal and almost unstoppable. That is, until Aunt May comes along! Yeah! Show him what for, May! Apocalypse may have the ability to control all his molecules, turn his limbs onto weapons, project energy, telekinesis, telepathy, regeneration, and a scientific mind that would put Mr Fantastic, Tony Stark, and Hank McCoy to shame, but that’s nothing compared to Aunt May! So what would she do?

She’d send him to his room, telling him to think long and hard about what he’d done. Damn, I’m running out of ideas.

 

1. Loki

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The Norse God of mischief. Self proclaimed rightful ruler of Asgard. Wielder of magic far beyond the comprehension of mortal men. The bane of Thor. The Avenger’s first enemy. A master of deception and guile. The epitome of a trickster. But seeing as all parents have an in-built bullshit detection meter, he’s not going to be pulling the wool over her eyes anytime soon. She’d see right through him and tell him that she’s not angry, just very disappointed in him.

Which will hurt more than a million Hulk punches ever could. So sad.

 

But what do YOU think of this list? Is it a… a… okay, it’s really stupid. Alright? You know it, I know it. Let’s not kid ourselves. Let us know what you think in the comments or on Twitter. Not that we need you to tell us. Geez. In fact, let me tell you how these scenarios would REALLY play out. Thanos: She’s dead. Galactus: She’s dead. Dr Doom: She’s dead. Onslaught: She’s dead. Apocalypse: She’s dead. Loki: She’s dead. Let’s be realistic.

About the author

Scott Meridew