7. The Consultant
For a top-secret organization charged with protecting the United States, if not the world, from super-villains, S.H.I.E.L.D. sure seems to demand a lot of busywork from its agents. Then again, if that busywork involves keeping Emil Blonsky AKA The Abomination in custody, it probably still merits consideration. Having failed to convince the World Security Council that Blonsky would be a bad fit for The Avengers – as much as I’d love to see Tim Roth in the role again – Agent Coulson agrees on choosing the worst possible liaison to request his release, and who better to rile up the self-important, stick-in-the-mud General Ross than equally self-important “Consultant”. Despite his initial unwillingness to get Tony Stark involved, Coulson yields to reason, the net result being that Blonsky gets to remain in incarceration indefinitely. And some unfortunate drinking hole gets demolished. C’est la Tony. In an all dialogue scene, Clark Gregg shows he doesn’t need a gun or action moves to make his presence felt: his Downey Jr./Mark Ruffalo-grade snark is more than weapon enough.
6. Son of Coul (Thor)
And onto Mjolnir’s owner. Thor, Norse God of Thunder (and Hitting Stuff) is not big on talking. Sure, he got a few good one-liners in the film that bore his name – mostly surrounding his failure to understand the human realm – but articulate displays of affection are not really in his toolbox. Which makes sense given how big that hammer is. Still, it makes his little speech to Agent Phil Coulson all that more meaningful: “Know this, son of Coul. You and I, we fight for the same cause: the protection of this world. From this day forward, you can count me in as your ally [yada yada yada Jane taken stolen blah blah blah]”. Given that Thor’s allies in battle have, up until this juncture, consisted exclusively of fellow deities, this gesture of alliance, if not exactly friendship, means a lot. Coulson might not quite be able to hold his own in the superhero stakes, but he’s still a valuable guy to have in your corner. Even if he will never get to debrief anyone *sigh*.
5. “Don’t touch Lola” (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)
We don’t know much about Agent Phil Coulson’s home life, aswith much of the S.H.I.E.L.D. staff (apart from the Galaga guy; at least we know he has a hobby). After the marketing campaign for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Coulson may be no less an enigma – HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE?! – but at least he’s now an enigma with a bitching ride. A cherry red 1962 C1 convertible, “Lola” may be compensation for something – you’re allowed to have a mid-life crisis if you’ve just died, right? – but it’s a nice touch for a character who has, on occasion, seemed slightly staid. Now, at least, Iron Man’s not the only one who gets to travel in style.
4. Coulson vs. The Beetle (Ultimate Spider-Man)
It’s Coulson, but not as we know him. The only entry on this list not from the official MCU canon, Agent Phil Coulson finds new life in Disney’s XD’s Ultimate Spider-Man series as the acting head of Peter Parker’s high school. Charged by Nick Fury with keeping an eye on the young Webhead, Coulson finds himself in with more than he bargained for, like trying to balance the school budget in a recession. Though the show mostly uses Coulson as a figure of cheesy fun – if you’ve ever wanted to see a cartoon Clark Gregg in a pair of tighty-whities… – but occasionally Ultimate Spider-Man gives him a chance to show off his bad-ass side, such as in taking on The Beetle in hand-to-hand combat. Coulson + kung-fu = unmitigated levels of awesomeness.
