3. Grizzly
Pfffffffft! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Ohmygod, ohmygod. HA HA HA HA HA! He- he- HA HA HA! He looks like a bear swallowed him and his head got stuck in his mouth! HA HA HA HA HA! Ohhhhh. Oh wow. Grizzly was a former wrestler that lost his job after J. Jonah Jameson wrote a disparaging article against him, prompting a rampage through the Daily Bugle in an attempt for revenge. Of course he was defeated by Spider-Man (Really, are you surprised?). He tried to beat the wall crawler several times afterwards but was always beaten, which lead to him joining the Legion of Losers. And yes it’s finally time to look at these chumps.
The Legion of Losers was an alliance between Grizzly, Gibbon, Kangaroo and Spot, all of whom had been ridiculed by Spider-Man and all of whom desired revenge. Who is the Spot who ask? Spot was another villain that Spidey routinely beat that looked like a human Dalmatian who could create small portals around him. Yeah, he was an utterly ridiculous bad guy but he avoided this list due to the fact that, despite his appearance, his powers made him a tangible threat. He has, on occasion, been able to beat Spider-Man. But anyway, the Legion of Losers set out to beat Spider-Man, but Grizzly and Gibbon began to have doubts after Spot and Kangaroo robbed a bank.
Eventually, realising that their comrades had gone out of control, Grizzly and Gibbon teamed up with Spidey to take down Spot and Kangaroo. These guys are so bad at being villains they can’t even stick to breaking the law! Grizzly himself has since been on both sides of the law, but one thing remains certain…Â he looks so stupid! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
2. Typeface
Uhhhhhh. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No WAY would anyone look at this guy and go, “yep, this guy’s a great idea for a villain”. I mean look at him! He uses the alphabet as weapons! It’s like if one of the Sesame Street muppets went on a rampage. You just can’t take it seriously. In fact, no, you know what? This is like one of those early Batman villain that nobody remembers because they are so stupid due to the writers putting absolutely zero effort into them. In fact, again no! This is like those Batman villain that nobody remembers because they are so stupid due to the writers putting absolutely zero effort into them… from the 60’s tv show! Oh yeah! I went there!
So what exactly compels this guy to use letter based weapons and draw on himself like a five year old? Well, apparently he fought for the US Army before his brother was killed in action. Upon leaving the army, he arrived home only for his wife to leave him and take their son with her. Shortly after he became a signsmith, whereupon the company he worked for was bought by a man named George Finch and he was laid off. Y’know what? I think that this guy might just upstage Gibbon as the saddest sad sack out of all of Spidey’s villains. Sorry Gibbon.
He seeks revenge against Finch, becoming Typeface, only to be stopped by Spider-Man. He has since become more of an anti-hero, but that doesn’t chance the fact that he looks… I mean stupid doesn’t even begin to cover it.
1. The Walrus
Insert an “I am the Walrus” joke here and moving on. If you thought that Grizzly was stupid looking… you were right, but this guy is worse. I mean, where to begin? First his costume. Do I even need to tell you what’s wrong with it? I could just point to the rainbow patterned “W” on his chest and say “case closed”! Then there’s his powers! In addition to actually having a layer of blubber that insulates him and being able to hold his breath under water for long periods, he claims he has the proportional strength of a walrus. So you’d think that would be a good thing, right? Wrong. Walrus’s are larger than humans, meaning that if he really did have the PROPORTIONAL strength of a walrus, he’d be significantly weaker than the average human. Which brings me to my next point. He’s an absolute IDIOT!
Known for frequently saying stupid things, the Walrus isn’t the brightest bulb in the light bulb factory. In fact, he’s so dumb that rather than stealing money, he’s simply content to cause as much property damage as he can. Rob a bank and live like a king? Nope! He’d rather demolish a building. He’s the kind of villain that makes you want to facepalm so hard your eyeballs rattle inside your skull! But what’s his backstory? He was a taxi driver named Hubert Carpenter (Geddit? Carpenter? The Walrus and the Carpenter? Alice in Wonderland? Lewis Carroll? Incredibly bad pun that makes you want to tear off your ears? Anyone?) whose uncle, a mad scientist, gave him his walrus powers. That’s pretty much it.
Almost every time he has gone up against a superhero, they cannot help but laugh their tights off at the sight of him. and who could blame them. He’s inept, idiotic, a fashion disaster area and is a black mark against the good name of Walrus’s everywhere. What? They’re majestic creatures!
So what do YOU think of these villains? Are they the worst of the bunch or the cream of the crop? Although, frankly the only way that would be possible is if they were enemies of the Great Lake Avengers. Oh well. Let us know in the comments or send us your thoughts on Twitter! Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a documentary on Walrus’s that I have to watch. I don’t know what it is about them, they just seem so… noble!
