SPIDERTEMBER: Top 7 Alternate Versions of Spidey

3. Spider-Girl (MC2)

The daughter of Peter Parker and Mary Jane in the MC2 universe, May “Mayday” Parker (Best. Nickname. Ever.) was originally just a What If…? character, but ended up becoming rather popular. In fact, her first on going series was the longest running series by Marvel with a female protagonist. Hey Marvel! When are you going to scrap the TV series that shall not be named and adapt this character?

Mayday has all the same powers as her dad, plus the classic Parker luck (i.e. lack thereof), and has even battled versions of his own enemies, including Norman Osborn’s grandson Normie, who kept up the Osborn tradition of going crazy eddy in the heady and dressing up like it’s Halloween everyday. But what will Mayday do now the MC2 universe is no more? I dunno. I just make the lists. Figure it out on yer own.

2. Spider-Man 2099

Spidey in the future! Yep, in a dystopia run by corporations, where the populace is kept in line by a brutal police force, crime and poverty is rampant, the rich make the rule and materialism is everything. So not actually that different from today. SOCIAL COMMENTARY!

But seriously, who doesn’t love seeing Miguel O’Hara fighting crime and totalitarian overlords amidst lazers and hovercars. Which begs the question… why haven’t Marvel made a TV show about this guy? I know, I know, I’ve said that before on this list. But, c’mon! It’s right there! It’s so obvious! WHY WON’T MARVEL LISTEN TO MY GREAT IDEAS?!?!?!?!

1. Spider-Ham

This is real. I swear. There is, in the Marvel Multiverse, a spider… ham. An anthropomorphic pig with the powers of Spider-Man. This was an idea somebody had that made it to print. What… the… flying… fudge? Real name Peter Porker (*Cringe*), the character actually started off as a spider, not a pig, that was bitten by a radioactive pig. I… there are no words.

What’s weirder is that he ended up being a pretty pivotal character in the Spider Verse storyline. Hey, if Howard the Duck can make it, why not this pig? Which brings me to the inevitable joke I have to make. You all knew it was coming. So here goes. ♫ Spider Pig! Spider Pig! Does whatever a spider pig does! Can he swing from a web? No he can’t. He’s a pig. Lookout! He is the spider pig! ♫

But what do YOU think of this list? Is it a swinging selection of Spider-people? Or a woeful webfull of wierdos? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter! Meanwhile, I’m sending all my television ideas to Marvel’s headquarters. Via cannon. LETS SEE THEM IGNORE ME NOW!