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Top 5 Reasons Why The Justice League Movie Is Going To Suuuuuck!

We are living in an age of endless wonder. Marvel has produced hit after hit, showing us the true majesty of cinematic superheroes. They are a bastion of hope, enjoyment and awesomeness. And running behind them, desperately trying to keep up is DC. It would be endearing if it wasn’t so pathetic! We all know that DC are moving forward with a Justice League movie (Two of them in fact. Why two? Imagine the sound of a cash register and you’ll guess why.), but let’s face it… it’s gonna suck harder than a vacuum cleaner in a tornado.

It’s almost an inevitability, really. I can see it coming as clear as day! But some people insist that I’m just saying that because I hate DC with a burning passion that couldn’t even be quenched by the seven seas. Yeah, turns out you can’t just go around saying that an upcoming movie is going to suck and not give any reasons for saying so. Stupid, right? So, for the sake of stemming the tide of rabid DC fans knocking on my door armed with pitchforks and torches, here are some reasons why the Justice League movie is going to be more like the Justice LAME movie. HAH! That was a great pun. I’m so clever.

DISCLAIMER! Wait… do I really need to put a disclaimer here? I think people will already know that this is purely opinion based. Right? RIGHT?


5. No Standalone Films


Here’s the great thing about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It allowed us to get to know these characters and see them develop BEFORE they were all teamed up. And yes, it would take longer, but DC would have done themselves a favour if they’d just been patient and given each of the characters their own film. Or at the very least, done a series of crossover films! So they start with Batman and Superman, then Wonder Woman and Aquaman, then Green Lantern and Flash, then Cyborg and… someone else, I don’t know. Arm Fall Off Boy?

But to hell with that. They’re just lumping half the characters in the Batman and Superman film. Which means either they’re all going to be fighting for screen time or they’re just going to be in the background waving and shouting “Look! We’re in this movie too!”. And yes, I know DC recently announced that they’re doing standalone films for the characters… after the Justice League film comes out. Too little, too late, DC!


4. David S. Goyer


Do I even need to say why? We all know that D.S.G. isn’t exactly a fan favourite any more. Which is a shame, really. He used to be quite good! Remember Blade? That was cool. And Blade II? That was awesome! And Blade Trinity? ……. Never mind.

Needless to say, his writing skills have gone downhill slightly. Almost as much as his reputation with fans. You know what I’m talking about. The She-Hulk thing? Stan Lee called him a nut? Look it up. Seriously though, the last good film he worked on was The Dark Knight! And he only did the story! Which was full of plot holes! Why ask him to work on the story for Justice League? Maybe because he did the story for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice? I don’t know. But what I do know is that DC need to look elsewhere if they want a good story. Not that the original JLA story was any good. I mean, really? A giant starfish? Come on.

About the author

Scott Meridew